Here I am ( Year 2013 )

It's been good 2 years plus or so. Since I wrote a post here. Confessions. that's what I'm here for, the social networks such as Facebook & Twitter isn't helping in the least way concerned. Throughout the years, I've always wanted to improve myself emotionally. But I've became useless, though I feel good sometimes, this happiness never lasts. Being a Military men now, I've loads to worry about. Be it the outside world, or in regimental ground. Like how I always am, I do what I like. As long as I don't harm other's life, it's okay isn't it ?.


But then why do people have to condemn for the slightest mistakes I do ?. And it's not the same for others, where has all the understanding people in my life gone to ?. Have I lost them ?, or have they changed ?, or is this the ugly truth of adulthood ?. All this has demoralized my life, what I'm special for. Those teenage days are so precious, I failed to treasure them, I kept complaining. Thinking back, those days are of the most wonderful/beautiful. 


My father, back in 2011. I hit him due to anger, & that was only because he instigated me while he was intoxicated. Till now, he doesn't consider me his son. As a son, it's hurting to know all this, my mum too. They're upset with me due to some money issues, but I hope that I could solve all their problems. I'm not expecting a great life. I already lost my " v ", I feel cheap because of that too.


If in case you didn't realize, while everybody's having a good time, with close friends etc. I'm here, holding the problems in life, it's not that I didn't make a effort to live it better, but it's just that society finds me a pain to be with. All in all, these are the greatest gifts from god for making others feel good. And carrying positive trades around. Though I want to be strong, decisive & experience emotional satisfaction again, I thank you lord. For not giving me all the problems in the world, but killing me with these few. Seems like no place of worship could help me ?. These aren't words of hope, but words of a million un cried tears & pain. Pure pain.